I was at a family event in the fall of 2024 when I spoke to Tom Birch about his adventures kayaking into Ten Thousand Islands and tent camping on some remote beach. He said he’d done it over twenty times.
That amazed me. I had always heard scary stories about the Ten Thousand Islands.
I was told it’s called Ten Thousand Islands because there are literally Ten Thousand Islands in there. Each island looks exactly like the island next to it, and each is equally unhospitable.
When I was a kid, I was told a person could get lost and turned around in there and not be found for days.
Whether that was true or just a story older folks told to scare me doesn’t matter. In my mind, it was supposed to be one of the most dangerous places in America to go screw around in.
When Tom told me he knew his way around in Ten Thousand Islands and has kayaked it often (often spending the night on a remote white sand beach), I jumped at and was grateful to accept his offer to join him out on one of these adventures.
Everything about the idea fascinated me.
We launched our adventure from Everglades City. That city had a rather notorious reputation when I was a kid. They were going through some dark times back then. I was told to stay away from that place, too.
I was told one day, law enforcement swooped in and arrested eighty percent of the town on narcotic violations, and that was one of the milder stories I heard when growing up. There were a whole host of nefarious activities I was always warned about.
As a child, I was always advised to stay out of the Ten Thousand Islands, and stay out of Everglades City.
So, here’s a picture of me and my friends, standing in a place I was told never to go to, about to go do something I was told to never do: kayaking through Ten Thousand Islands.
The crew: Myself, Tom, Josh, Steve
I did not have any real fears, however. I had the utmost confidence in Tom as a guide. This would be something like his twenty-third trip to this specific beach on Picnic Key. He was also an incredible host. I didn’t want for anything while I was with him.
Tom is a man who pays attention to details. He is meticulously prepared for these journeys. He’s paying attention to tides and wind speeds, something a dumbass like me would never have considered before attempting such a journey on my own.
He said it was important to time such a trip with the tides. Otherwise, the journey is particularly difficult. The tides create a current that can either aid or harm the inexperienced kayaker, such as myself.
Our other companions on this journey also gave me confidence. This was the second journey to this destination for both of them.
Josh was an Eagle Scout who could probably make a fire out of a wet pair of socks, and Steve was an avid outdoorsman who was very familiar with the environment and loved to fish there.
Both were outstanding, kindhearted human beings.
I had a friend ask me if paddling out there was easy.
I said, “No, it was not.”
There was a lot of suffering going on in my kayak.
I said, “Do you know why there was so much suffering in my kayak?”
He asked, “Why?”
I told because I had sustained numerous physical injuries over the years, all of which seemed to flare up about two miles into the journey.
“Do you know why my injuries flared up?” I asked.
“Why?”
“Because I was out of shape. If I stay up on my core exercises, I notice that my back doesn’t hurt as much. Perhaps if I had lifted weights regularly or done more pushups, my shoulder would have been stronger and would have lasted me longer instead of giving me grief.
If I am in better physical shape, my body doesn’t ache as much.
But I wasn’t in great shape, and thus I was suffering quite severely.
And do you know why I wasn’t in shape?” I asked.
“Why?”
“Because I am lazy. I have no concept of what sort of energy kayaking ten miles through the ocean actually requires. The physical demands, as it turns out, are quite huge, especially for someone who has never paddled an ocean kayak out on the ocean before.
Yeah, I was lazy and ignorant. I’ve paddled a kayak around a small lake before, fishing and taking it easy.
This is not that.
This is paddling your ass off for ten miles in open seas to stay in sync with the tide and get to camp before nightfall, a totally different activity.
So there was suffering because I was lazy, ignorant, and thus unprepared.”
He said, “That’s some honesty right there.”
I told him that being prepared for something is always the best path to be on. Being unprepared just makes things more interesting.
Often being unprepared makes the moment vastly more difficult, but at least interesting.
Being prepared makes life way easier and more peaceful.
“I’ve been unprepared lots of times. So far, things have always swung my way; here I am talking to you.
To answer your question, no, it was not what I would refer to as an easy kayak trip. I absolutely enjoyed every moment of it, however. Every moment was blessed.
As far as the pain and exhaustion, I simply chose not to focus on it.
Focusing on that would be pointless and would just suck the joy out of the adventure.
Focusing on the pain just gives the pain more negative energy to feed itself and grow.
Suffering is always right there with me, in my face.
I can choose whether or not to focus on it.
Quitting is not an option on this journey once one starts. There are no pull-off spots to set up camp if I wanted to quit. There is only going forward until the destination is reached.
So, instead of focusing on the pain, I chose to focus on that tree or point on the horizon about a mile ahead of me and paddle towards it.
Once I get to that point, internally, I have a little mental celebration.
‘I’m a mile closer to our destination!’
Then I immediately start focusing on the next tree, and the one after that, until we get there.”
There was lots of compass and map checking on the way out. Even having been there about 22 previous times, Tom had to check his map. He would bounce ideas off Josh, who also had a map.
“I think we’re here, at this spot, and we need to go through that opening. The other openings are dead ends.”
I just let them take all the time they needed. They seemed pretty confident, and were soon off paddling in a certain direction with me following.
On the way out, I mentioned that I read in maritime law that in an emergency situation (such as in a life raft), it was legal for the party to kill one of it’s members for food as long as the method to determine who that particular person was is conducted fairly.
“Like drawing the short stick or something. I read about it in a book about the Donner party. One case that tested that was one in which the people had only been adrift for less than forty eight hours, and they had already killed and started to consume one of it’s members.
Could you imagine?
‘Hey, Josh, I know we’ve only been out here a few hours, but boy, I am hungry. I could go for a snack. Here, this rib rub makes excellent sunblock. They don’t advertise it as such, but it does. We don’t want your skin getting all nice and crispy, or anything. Yeah, rub that rib rub in there nice and good… grind it into the pores…'”
Everyone else seemed to paddle on up a little further ahead of me after that story…
We eventually landed on the beautiful white sand beach of Picnic Key and immediately set up camp.
Tom, Josh, and Steve had the camp up in a jiffy and had a fire going within minutes.
Like most things worth having in life, the destination to get there was difficult, but definately worth it.
The spot Tom had navigated us to was so incredibly beautiful and secluded, it humbled me that I was even standing there.
I couldn’t believe it.
We were on a remote and isolated white sand beach overlooking the Gulf of America.
It was so peaceful. Peace was woven into the fabric of the universe here.
I was absolutely out of cell service.
I noticed how many times I caught myself glancing at my cell phone simply out of habit.
That was disturbing. Let’s say, I did it a lot.
My phone was always with me because I was snapping pictures left and right, but there was no actual service.
My phone allows me to send/receive satellite messages, so each day, I would send one to my wife.
I’d tell her I loved her and was still alive.
As soon as she responded to that message, the phone just turned into a camera.
Just being out of cell phone range brought a load of peace on its own.
Everything was gorgeous, and it absolutely humbled me when I thought I was seeing things few others had laid eyes on.
When I had that thought, it was quickly followed by, “Except for pirates, I bet. Pirates have seen this. I bet there’s a treasure chest buried around here somewhere…”
Once I thought that, I started looking for a place I would hide a treasure chest, if I were a pirate.
I never found a treasure chest, but I found this:
These men were incredible companions for this adventure, I have nothing but gratitude for all of them.
Josh helped me get my tent up and squared away in seconds. He always made sure there was a toasty fire alive.
Steve, meanwhile, was pulling fish out of the ocean left and right. We cooked them up one night in a foil dinner Steve and Tom prepared of his latest catches, cooked in the fire on the sands of this incredible beach.
It was one of the most amazing dinners I’ve ever had. It was delicious, and the place just had this ambiance…
Here’s a couple pictures of the sunset that preceeded this dinner:
There were dolphins galore, also. They seemed to be where ever we seemed to be. That gave me comfort. I figured, if there are dolphins in the water, then there probably isn’t a shark.
I base that logic on absolutely nothing, totally just made it up.
It helped though, thinking that…
Eventually we had to paddle home. Although a very beautiful, peaceful, and secluded spot, about two nights sleeping on the ground in a tent in the wilderness is about it. It’s time to find our way back to mainland.
The trip back was just as physically demanding. I was exhausted. All-in-all, we did twenty miles in the ocean! Not bad for my first trip.
I will always be grateful for this trip and the experience I had the opportunity to have.
This was one of the most amazing adventures I ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I loved every moment of it and would absolutely do this trip again (it’d have to be with Tom, the man is a spectacular guide. “Guide” is not the right word. Host.)
Knowing what I know now, I’d pay more attention to my diet and exercise with greater intensity leading up to the trip, to be in better physical condition.
I will start working out now to get prepared for the next voyage!
I love you all, thank you for reading!
And they all lived happily ever after…